People are running to make a political issue out of this Bristol Palin pregnancy issue, sex ed vs abstinence only, as if one or the other is actually a solution, even as both have failing records of success. Whatever, both are seemingly irrelevant and failing political approaches to complex social youth behavior. Why do I care, because my time lately has been concentrated on my two daughters, they are 13 and 3 respectfully.
The coverage of the Palin family event has been appalling, but hardly surprising. Youth pregnancy is a huge problem in America, and while blaming 'sex ed' or 'abstinence only' might feel politically comforting as a position, neither will address the core problem.
I had Sex Ed in high school. I also grew up in a Southern Baptist Church (the 5x a week and twice on Sunday + Sunday School type). Like I said, my two daughters are 13 and 3 respectfully, but I am 32 and my wife just turned 31..., do the math. Sex Ed didn't stop me, nor stop my wife from getting pregnant, getting married, having a child, ...at age 17, before she graduated high school, college, or even law school.
I've spent the last 13 years experiencing and studying this issue, and this is my take. What is missing from this conversation? Perspective. Youth in America develop 3 character traits when growing up, and even more serious trouble follows the youth who never develop any of the traits. These traits develop in different order depending upon the person. They are maturity, judgment, and responsibility. Both my wife and I developed responsibility before we were mature or had good judgment. So be it, but her sense of responsibility led to her decision to keep our child, while my sense of responsibility led to my decision to ask her to marry me. We made these decisions on our own. Her father drove her to the abortion clinic to convince her to both abort the child, and throw my ass out. Lucky for me, no one tells a Cajun red headed woman what to do, they have too much independence to be intimidated. My father and mother warned me not to marry a 17 year old girl while I was at such a young age. I was a rebel and listening to my parents was optional in my world. We lacked the maturity and judgment necessary to prevent the situation we found ourselves in, but developed both quickly to deal with it in our way.
When I see people question the parental skills of the Palin's, I think of my mom and dad, and my wife’s parents as well. Boy did the Church have a low opinion of my parents after learning of my situation, particularly considering my father was a widely respected community leader, church leader, and nationally recognized business leader. At first instinct, the social butterflies at church immediately assumed it was a parent problem. It wasn't, my parents were great, so were hers. Her parents had it worse. My wife’s father was in academia and my wife’s mother was a teacher. My wife and her brother were the model children in every social circle, no one believed this could possibly happen. In the end our parents could not insure 100% our level or maturity or judgment, they could only give us as much as they could and hope it worked out.
It did. I've never been to college, I haven't had time because when at 19, married with children living in the shady parts of town, the only way to improve your situation is to work your way out of it. That is something I learned from my father. Dealing with adversity, which comes in many forms, I learned how to manage tough times from my mother. I didn't learn everything I needed to in order to always make the right decision as a teen, or demonstrate the maturity to handle each situation, but teenagers commonly don't.
Were my wife’s parents terrible in their role? You tell me, she graduated top 5 in her high school class of 350, married and a mother. She graduated top 20 in her college class, in a sorority, and who knows how many other activities, sometimes with our daughter there in tow. Law School, law review, moot court, internships in other states, and now an attorney in one of the largest firms in the US. Surely her parents did something right. Yea, she was a mom at 17, it happens a lot in America. It was rough for a few years before both of
our families realized it wasn't about them. They didn't know, because everyone around them was constantly making it about them. I see the same thing repeated today on TV. The way the Palin parents have reacted... its admirable. The way people attempt to read their minds, or the minds of the youth involved, its disgustingly ignorant.
This isn't about abortion, because that wasn't the choice made. I have no idea if my wife is pro-life or pro-choice, she made her choice to keep our daughter and no one was ever going to change her mind, including her father whom she worships. We've never talked about abortion, I'll never ask. I certainly grew up pro life, but given what I've seen and done in my life I would never presume to judge the decisions made by other women. By 20 I no longer knew anyone I had known as a teen, but knew a large number of young parents, sometimes the only people understanding of our situation. There was certainly no shortage of teenage moms in Arkansas. Pro life and Pro choice is someone else’s political argument to make, what is never right is to assume that some political observer has a role in deciding which choice is right or wrong for someone else’s situation, as is the case with this Palin girl. I believe the same advice would be true if she was having an abortion.
I can only highlight that the suggestion you cannot be a young parent and still complete your dreams is limited only to ones own maturity, judgment, and responsibility. We did it, I note Obama's mom didn't do too bad, the assumption the Palin's can't manage the problem is remarkably stupid.
Sex Ed, yep I had it, Clinton public education had plenty of it, Arkansas has plenty of young parents anyway... it doesn't work. Abstinence only? Doesn't work, youth will do what they want to do. The key is absolutely what we teach, but we have to teach the right things.
If this country wants to get serious about the social problems in today's youth, whether it is sex, drugs, crime, or violence... you focus on the character of culture, not the behavior of individuals which is unique anyway. Behavior is a product of culture. Teach judgment, teach maturity, and teach responsibility... everywhere consistently, and the cultures that ill youth in this country will change. We assume answering multiple choice tests teaches judgment, we assume homework teaches responsibility, and we assume that knowledge alone without simulation and exposure to experience will develop maturity. We assume too much.
It is very disappointing that both Obama and McCain want to punt on such an important issue. It isn't about Bristol Palin, the problem is bigger than one family. Approaching sex, drugs, violence, and crime as individual problems with specific tactical approaches is a failing strategy. Address the culture issue. Teach good decision making, educate adult behavior (qualities like patience in difficult situations), and enforce personal responsibility of the youth. If we do that, our nation will have more success dealing with these problems. The political ideas of our time are too simplistic for our nations complicated problems, leaders need to step up, or be voted out.
Update: Turns out I'm not the only one
who sees something familiar when looking at the Palin family. I couldn't hold back my thoughts either.
If we have one consistent theme on this blog in regards to relations with China, it is the necessity to stress more transparency in their military forces. This is a very positive development.
